Being A Mom Is Hard...

Sometimes when I wake up I feel about 80 years old. I look in the mirror and and am quickly reminded that, while I'm not 80 by a long shot, I am not the 20-something that I used to be either. I'm not as young as I'd like to be, but not as old as I could be. I have my children to thank for that.

I'm a Mom. It was a choice I made 13 years ago with the unexpected pregnancy and then birth of my oldest son. It was a choice I made when I married my husband and embraced his daughter as if she were my own (even though she lives 200+ miles away with her mom). And it was a choice I made as Shannon and I tried for two long years to conceive Greyson. And not once have I looked back and regretted those choices!

HOWEVER, there are times when I wish I could lock myself in my bathroom and cry and scream and hit things out of sheer frustration and helplessness! There have been times where I would have gladly traded one of my children in for a new Jeep (not really, but still). There are times when I get home after working an 8-hour day and all I want is quiet... instead, all I get is chaos. Running away isn't an option, but sometimes just getting away from it all would be a treat.

I have gray hairs that I'm not ready to embrace. I have bags that have taken up permanent residence under my eyes. My "baby weight" is still not gone (not that I've done much of anything to get rid of it). I have laugh lines and crows feet. I have wrinkly fingers and mildly flabby arms. (Thank God the hubs loves me anyways!!)

I'm a Mom.
I'm a short-order cook (much to my chagrin).
I'm a chauffeur.
I'm a house-keeper.
I'm a drier of tears (sometimes even when I'm the cause of said tears).
I'm a kisser of owies.
I'm the world's best hug (in their eyes, anyways).

I'm not the best mom in the world, but I'm theirs. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Snow Days

For those of you who know me...I mean REALLY know me...you'll recall that I. HATE. SNOW. Like, really hate it.

It's my personal opinion that snow should stay in the mountains, where people who love it - like my husband - can go to play in it. It should NOT come down the hill to town where people who do not love it - like me - have to continue to function normally.

Driving in the stuff...no thanks. Even with the Subaru that Shannon continues to remind me we have...nope. And playing in it...ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? And yet, I have boys. Boys who love to play in it. Boys who were beyond thrilled to look out the window this past Sunday morning and see it not only covering the ground, but dumping out of the sky. Boys who stood at the window asking excitedly, "When can we go play?!"

I was recovering from the stomach flu. Shannon was directly in the throes of that nasty bug. And the boys wanted to play in the cold wet white stuff. So I said ok.

Because I was still unwell, I stood just inside my sliding glass door while those two bundled up boys went to town in the snow. A foot deep, mind you...Greyson was in it practically up to his waist! And it continued to dump. Not just snowing, but DUMPING. I did go outside a few times in my jammies and slippers to take a few pictures, because what good is snow if you can't take some pictures of it? Plus, the boys were having so much fun. It was torture trying to get them back inside, but I needed to sit, and Daddy (who had tried for about 10 minutes to go out with them) was not in good shape. With the promise of more later (I never said HOW MUCH later), they came inside...all red cheeks and runny noses and icy fingers and happy.

Sadly, another trip out to play was not in the cards for them on Sunday. I just wasn't up to it, and while Nick at 13 years old would have been fine on his own, I wasn't about to let him take Greyson out there unsupervised...too many reminders - some not so gentle - to "stop throwing snowballs at your brother" didn't give me much confidence in that scenario ending well.

Then next day, however, the snow had finally stopped falling, and we were left with a foot of snow in our backyard and a "bluebird" type of day to play in. And since Mom and Dad were both feeling significantly improved, guess who got to go out and play too?! And you know what...??? I actually had fun!!

We built a "snomily" - five snow people in varying heights, one for each of us. Mom had hair (tree branches), Daddy had a beard (again, tree branches), and Greyson had a twig sticking up out of the top of his head. And Nick, dear sweet boy, made it so that the "Nick" and "Brooklyn" snowkids were hugging!

AND I ACTUALLY HAD FUN!!! (Wait, did I already say that?)

I took pictures, because...well, if you know me at all, you know that documenting that moment in time where I actually enjoyed the snow with my kids was of the utmost importance.

And now...I think I can give skiing with Shannon a try. I just need to make sure I have the right gear, but I think I'll be a bit more open-minded about a trip east on SR-542 to Mount Baker. There is hope for me yet! :)

XOXO

Let's Try This Again...

Hahahaha!!! I should have know better than to try blogging!! It's been over 2 YEARS since my last entry...now that's just sad!

Obviously lots has happened in the past 26 months. I've changed employers. Shannon has promoted. Nick entered Middle School and then turned into a teenager (when did THAT happen!?), Brooklyn started school, and Greyson - well, his short little life has been full of "firsts" and "new" and such.

Shannon's dad still lives with us - in fact, we've recently completed the construction of an in-law apartment above our garage, so he now has his own space. And slowly but surely, we are finding the bottom of our house again too.

Goals:

One of my goals over the next few months is to find a "writing style"...something that I have long dreamed about but never been able to pinpoint in myself. I read other blogs - women just like me, with young families and jobs - and have always been so jealous that they are able to find all the right words to put their thoughts down with. I may be good at getting my thoughts down in print, but they are far from eloquent. Most of the time, it just feels so good to get the thoughts out...so that I don't have to stew on them anymore. But there are times where I have an epiphany and think to myself "Wow, that was really good" and then five seconds later I forget it in the process of dealing with another crisis (most often involving my children).

Another goal of mine - something I've struggled with for the better part of a year now - has to do with my eating habits. Last year for Lent, I decided to "give up" gluten...something I had often thought about trying but had just never done it. I managed to stay on task through the Lenten season - no cheat days at all - but once Easter was behind me, even though I was feeling amazingly better, I let it go. Oh, I still tell people I'm "mostly gluten free," but to be honest, I've given up caring. And I feel like crap.

My naturopath also told me that I should give up dairy. If you've ever tried this, you know how hard it is. Yes, giving up cheese is difficult, but now you throw in the whole readings labels thing...ugh!! So I stopped caring there too. It wasn't until Nick's doctor told us to cut all dairy out of his diet (to try and get to the bottom of his ever present stomach pains) that I realized just how miserably I am doing at this "no dairy" thing.

So my goal - with you holding me accountable (all 3 of you who actually read this blog at this point) - is to start eating better.

And start exercising. What's the point of paying for a gym membership if I don't use it. And how can I seriously complain about my weight and the fit of my clothing if I'm not doing something about it?

There you go...a new start to my blog, and a new start to my health. And sooner than later, maybe it'll all start to come together.

XOXO